As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine
races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he
can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine,

"If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"


Mmmm...Ice cream.

Two things...

first of all it's always nice to maintain a healthy relationship with your former employees...see below (an email from my former co-boss!)

Rowley

Thanks Loser!!!

Why would I want to send u an email.
You are overseas, sleeping with gorgeous Scandinavian bombshells, being supported by the blood sweat and tears of your hardworking parents.
Mate wake up and get a job you wanker.

With kind regards
Kon

Second of all...I'm not the only one with too much spare time...Ted, a buddy of mine wins with this little gem :
here, here & here

Got the pattern yet? great...now use it on your friends.

Oh, and in other exciting news...Rowley has this strange habit where the only day he feels like drinking is on Tuesday...which is not what I would call condusive for a good idea...but anywho...had worked very hard doing 14 hour days the past few days so had a few last night...and well...I went ice skating at 2am, followed by pancakes at 3am. SO much fun...I fully reccommend it. Jönköping is inundated with this crazy INCREDIBLY thick fog which makes it impossible to see far, but the ice illuminated in this erie way and was very cool!

Cheers!

Don't you hate it when you are right and you don't believe yourself? I came up with a freakish piece of code at some hell hour last night before crashing to bed in desperation, because I couldn't believe the answers I was getting from the code (that all four answers equated to 0). 8 hours of hairpulling and several rewrites later I mugged the tutor for assistance.

The answer WAS 0.

5 minutes talking with jaymis and all I can think of are bonsai kittens and man beef. Crazy times.

people are fucked up.

p.s. exam is going ok...

we were sober mum...

Also, pictures of night-snowboarding-with-kids-toyz to be found here. And honestly, the picture of me lying on my back was taken because DAVID BRATVOLD WAS TOO BLOODY SLOW TO TAKE THE FRICKIN' PHOTO WHEN I WENT DOWN THE FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND THEN LANDED THE JUMP, rather opting to wait until I hit a tree root and crashed.

Rowley : Owww...
David : Cool!
R : Did you get the shot???!
D : You didn't say when!!
R : Yes I did!
D : No you didn't!
R (still lying in snow) : You fucker...
D : Well...wanna do it again?
R : Hmm...lemme think...NO
D : Oh. Ok... **CLICK**
R : FUCKER.

Highly intellectual huh? :)

It seems that there is nothing wrong with the world that can't be fixed by a bunch of naked Aussies running around. As I've mentioned before, first it was 'No Clothes No War'...and now it seems that our drought problems are reaching levels where it too requires a good dosage of nakedness. Hmm...my exam starts in 2 minutes...I wonder if a bit of frollicking naked aussie body parts will help my cause.....we can only hope...

I gotta be giving props to the newbie Jum for this little gem from these guys...I totally agree...30 seconds into the tune and I was having SERIOUS cravings for Rocket Only battles on the Ultra Low Gravity level of UT...oh baby baby baby baby baby baby baby rockets grrrr boom! wack airborne zoom fly razor headshot buzzzannng gurgle gurgle gibb gibb M-m-m-m-MONTSER KILL! :)

In other news I have an exam in 14 minutes. Shit.

Is anyone else listening to Triple J at the moment? Gotta love tripod and their Bond theme...if someone doesn't buy the rights then goddammit...I've got a buck-fifty. IT'S MINE!

OK, so Eeek and all that, and a question :

What the hell are they putting into the Brisbane water? Kate Flanders makes the 3rd friend of mine who I've learned has become engaged since Christmas. STOP BREEDING PEOPLE! Geez. The next friend of mine who gets engaged prior to my return gets his or her arse walloped, I shit you not...I just can't take it...it's too stressful on the old ticker.

In these times of woe, it seems that even Aussies have their own way with dealing with the possible onslaught of war...they get nekked :)

I for one am in full support.

multi-threaded goodness(?)

there must be some kind of way outta here
said the joker to the theif
there's too much confusion
i can't get no relief...

must be time for lunch :)

My complete inaptitude at all fighting games (Tekken, DoA, etc.) is well known to many, and as I'm sure the guys will agree, is only countered by the fact that I am the Demigod of all things involving driving (GTA3, Gran Turismo, Simpons Road Rage, etc.). It comes as no surprise to me that it has been further confirmed that I am much more Gabe than Jaymis could EVER be. And I STILL say he looks scarily like Tycho (and it's well known he looks terrible in yellow anyway).

OK, so how long did it take you people to realise that I am back programming again? Modified C POSIX UNIX Sys Multi Thread Grabin me up baby.

All I want for christmas...

re-courtesy of jokeaday.com :

By Terry Jones (of Monty Python)
February 20, 2002
Times Observer

To prevent terrorism by dropping bombs on Iraq is such an obvious idea
that I can't think why no one has thought of it before. It's so simple. If
only the UK had done something similar in Northern Ireland, we wouldn't be
in the mess we are in today. The moment the IRA blew up the Horseguards'
bandstand, the Government should have declared its own War on Terrorism.
It should have immediately demanded that the Irish government hand over
Gerry Adams. If they refused to do so - or quibbled about needing proof of
his guilt - we could have told them that this was no time for
prevarication and that they must hand over not only Adams but all IRA
terrorists in the Republic. If they tried to stall by claiming that it was
hard to tell who were IRA terrorists and who weren't, because they don't
go around wearing identity badges, we would have been free to send in the
bombers.

It is well known that the best way of picking out terrorists is to fly
30,000ft above the capital city of any state that harbours them and drop
bombs - preferably cluster bombs. It is conceivable that the bombing of
Dublin might have provoked some sort of protest, even if just from James
Joyce fans, and there is at least some likelihood of increased
anti-British sentiment in what remained of the city and thus a rise in the
numbers of potential terrorists. But this, in itself, would have justified
the tactic of bombing them in the first place. We would have nipped them
in the bud, so to speak. I hope you follow the argument.

Having bombed Dublin and, perhaps, a few IRA training bogs in Tipperary,
we could not have afforded to be complacent. We would have had to turn our
attention to those states which had supported and funded the IRA
terrorists through all these years. The main provider of funds was, of
course, the USA, and this would have posed us with a bit of a problem.
Where to bomb in America? It's a big place and it's by no means certain
that a small country like the UK could afford enough bombs to do the whole
job. It's going to cost the US billions to bomb Iraq and a lot of that is
empty countryside. America, on the other hand, provides a bewildering
number of targets.

Should we have bombed Washington, where the policies were formed? Or
should we have concentrated on places where Irishmen are known to lurk,
like New York, Boston and Philadelphia? We could have bombed any police
station and fire station in most major urban centres, secure in the
knowledge that we would be taking out significant numbers of IRA
sympathisers. On St Patrick's Day, we could have bombed Fifth Avenue and
scored a bull's-eye.

In those American cities we couldn't afford to bomb, we could have rounded
up American citizens with Irish names, put bags over their heads and flown
them in chains to Guernsey or Rockall, where we could have given them food
packets marked 'My Kind of Meal' and exposed them to the elements with a
clear conscience.

The same goes for Australia. There are thousands of people in Sydney and
Melbourne alone who have actively supported Irish republicanism by sending
money and good wishes back to people in the Republic, many of whom are
known to be IRA members and sympathisers. A well-placed bomb or two Down
Under could have taken out the ringleaders and left the world a safer
place. Of course, it goes without saying that we would also have had to
bomb various parts of London such as Camden Town, Lewisham and bits of
Hammersmith and we should certainly have had to obliterate, if not the
whole of Liverpool, at least the Scotland Road area.

And that would be it really, as far as exterminating the IRA and its
supporters. Easy. The War on Terrorism provides a solution so
uncomplicated, so straightforward and so gloriously simple that it baffles
me why it has taken a man with the brains of George W. Bush to think of
it.

So, sock it to Iraq, George. Let's make the world a safer place.

Dad, the truth is out.
My brother is the secret lovechild of Mr T.

I pity the fool.

Props to my secret source, agent 'sexy legs giraffe' for providing me with the material that will ruin lachy when they do a "This is your life" on him (after he beats Bradman, Waugh & Border in all their world records)

In other news...Mum, you'd be happy to know that I FINALLY got around to making the Lasagne and had a few friends around to try it out. (I even followed the bottom line to include garlic bread (on bread I made myself also!), salad & red wine!) - needless to say your recipe was a success, even with the two Italians that I invited! (Yeah, I was brave to do that first time!)

Cheers. Oh yeah, wish me luck, tonight I debue as Tom Cruise from Cocktails. Only everyone knows I am MUCH better looking. Ok, so at least I'm taller. Would I pass for Bryan Brown? Meredith would think not...such a sick obsession. Bring on the coke addiction, high priced girlfriend and bankrupcy!

In other news, it is warm enough to wear a t-shirt and shorts today. Yup, the sun is shining, the weather is sweet and it's a comfortable -2 degrees celcius. Crazy Aussie it up baby yeah.

I dunno...call me a sick bastard, but I love this joke...courtesy of jokeaday.com

Dan had been complaining about these weird pains and finally went to the doctor. The doctor gave him a thorough examination. After the doctor was done checking the results (twice, mind you), he took Dan into an empty examining room and said, "Well, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news."

Dan gulped and said, "How about the good news first?"

"Ok. They're going to name a disease after you."

Hmmm. OK, so a big happy birthday to my brother Doug...he's 19 now so if you see him out and about make sure you buy him a beer or two.

I make my bar debute this Wednesday night at Akademia Nightclub, so wish me luck...I promise not to play the 'one for me, one for you' game :)

I really should be doing more work at the moment, but motivation is stretched incredibly thin...I have to admit this whole 'darkness depression' thing actually exists...although I'll be buggered if you catch me going to the solarium in our building to get some Vitamin D...there's just some things a bloke can't bring himself to do. Besides, there's something about having a well tanned johnson that just doesn't quite sit right with me :)

Things I have done to procrastinate this weekend :
cook
watch tv
rearrange my room (much more comfy now)
played guitar
read another book in two days
listened to music
eat
run
eat

I reckon I need the Billy Madison solution to lack of study focus...i.e. a gorgeous woman who strips whenever I get a correct answer... :) Rock on.

All applications will be considered.

That´s it. The world has officially gone to shit.

How To Kill Yourself #239 : Swedish Rally Pampalona Style

Oh yeah, btw...thought you might like to have a look at a few pics and videos from the Swedish Rally :)

10:15pm GMT The Australia Vs England football (soccer) match runs 15 minutes overtime, turning what should have been a casual jog into a 20 block sprint to Liverpool Station to make the 11pm train to make the plane to make...

10:23pm GMT Serious mapage skillz come into play as I am about 1 free beer away from choosing to run in the COMPLETELY OPPOSITE DIRECTION of the way I should be going on the confusing London streets. Luckily I had turned that last beer down...

10:48pm GMT See 10:23pm...

10:50pm GMT Beer legs get me through...I arrive at Platform. Train dark. Beery Brain Cells suggest something could be wrong. Vision cells request snooze button. Request denied. Vision reports a sign. Language centers pre-emptively request sickleave. Request denied. Language centers function and report that train has been cancelled due to railworks and is replaced by bus.

10:52pm GMT Harrass train attendant as to bus' whereabouts. Beer legs plead for a vacation.

10:59pm GMT Beer legs request actually arrives to nerve center. Luckily, by this stage body has made it to bus with 1 minute to spare, choosing carefully on autopilot to ignore directional advice from semi-drunk local (defense mechanisms later report they were scheptical after noting he had seen my Aussie jersey)

11:21pm GMT Bus leaves station. Bugger. Stupid non-Swedish efficiency.

7:15am GMT (next day) Miraculously do not sleep through airplane call-up. Promptly sleep (snore?) the two hours home to Sweden.

3:00pm Swedish Arrive in Jönköping. Must attend 4pm meeting with bar staff, despite not having showered in 3 days...ooops...so much for impressing the women on the bar staff...

:)

Did I mention that AUSTRALIA WON??? YEEEEEEEEEAH!!

Hmm...well I guess England still has Tiddly-Winks right? Heh heh!!! YEAH!!!

Will talk more later as meeting is imminent...but a MASSIVE thank you to Cadden and the boys for the trip. I'm bloody tired...I smell REALLY bad and I am sore from the bed hair on my head to the blisters on my sweaty booty feet. Boom baby.

G'day all...this will be quick because guess what..

I AM IN LONDON :) Thanks to the mad organising skillz of Alex Cadden and the generosity of the crew @ home...and man...it is so nice to be in an english speaking city again...albeit cockney! I read a newspaper, and even watched Australia kick Pakistan's butt in the cricket...GO SYMO!!! Actually, with a shaved nog doug actually looks a bit like symonds...hmmm...

Yeah, so I am in london bumming around...am camera less and actually might not pick up a disposable...am enjoying just ambling. hellishly busy schedule though....I swear I have walked the entire city today...

:)

Mum...straight out...sorry for the language...

OH MY FUCKING GOD...I WAS going to brag about being at the Swedish Rally, but then SOMEONE had to beat me. Not that it was a surprise...I am so good at picking people... read on...

Jane says:ok,ok, I have news... do you want to hear it now or over the phone??
Loki says:go for it but lemme guess...you're engaged?
Jane says:FUCK YOU FOR SEEING RIGHT THRU ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loki says:Damn I'm good
Jane says:nothing is a suprise with you anymore!
Jane says:you suck.
Loki says:when???
Jane says:monday.
Loki says:oh my god
Jane says:hehehehe - YEAH FOR ME!
Jane says:happy happy happy!
Jane says:so is everyone - mum especially!
Loki says:cool
Jane says:and andy's sis cathy too - she started crying!
Loki says:can I post this conversation on the blog
Jane says:sure if you want..
Jane says:hi everyone!

SO OMFG JANIE DARLING YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! CONGRATS! YOU TOO ANDY, YA LUCKY BASTARD!!

Ah, the multi-linguistic hopping skillz of moi... :)

Loki says:waddup
Nikinky says:im good..u.
Nikinky says:hey where were u last nite
Loki says:heh heh
Loki says:was in my room knapping..
Nikinky says:jag kom till dig och du var inte hemma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loki says:bb didn't know I was home when you came around
Nikinky says:aha! nästa vecka ska vi gå så
Nikinky says:ska du dricka cocksucking coyboys med oss imorgon kväll
Loki says:i kväll?
Loki says:du saya till mej at ve vill drick dom nasta veckor??
Nikinky says:nej.....eftersom jag ska vara i lappland
Loki says:så ve dricka i kväll?
Nikinky says:nej...i går..pre valentine
Loki says:det roxxors mycket!
Loki says:I may be up north watching a rally championship though...w'll see
Nikinky says:roxxs??
Loki says:rocks
Nikinky says:well there plenty of it so im not gonna run out unless i dirnk the whole bottle of course...u know thats not gonna happen
Loki says:that's not swedish, that's ubergeek
Loki says:I dunno..you are quite capable
Nikinky says:jag vet men jag vill inte drinka så mycket igen
Loki says:du saya det nu men.......

If there are two things you can say in Jaymis' defence, they would have to be that he can cook like a Jamie-Oliver-Acid-House-Mo-Fo-On-Speed, and that he really knows how to make a compilation CD. Jay, UPLOAD IT FOR ME BABY!! In other news he sucks at updating his webcam. (we can't all be perfect)

In other news, Jackie never warned me that performing your own music on stage was the most addictive drug out there - I've tasted a lesser form doing musicals, but that is nothing compared to the edginess of awaiting the next session. I've thought of nothing else since my first performance 2 weeks ago...SOMEONE LET ME DO ANOTHER GIG!!!! PLEEEEEAAAAAAAAASE!!! (Was I that bad?)

Summary of yesterday : Went X-Sledding again, 'cept now we also have a children's snowboard to add to our collection. Feats include :

- jumping of a ledge on kid's snowboard
- going down stairs on a set of kid's skis.

I then went on to nearly dislocate my left shoulder walking along and deciding to leap over a hedge (whilst NOT sledding/skiing/boarding) - backpack got caught...landed awkard...end result is guitar rehearsal is cancelled for this week.

Oh yeah, and I didn't go to Italy...damn flights.

Also saunad in aformentioned G and then watched tv. tough.

G-string + crowded mixed sauna = lunch lost = mission accomplished.

It's snowing like a mo-fo (yes I have been talking to Jackie) and so I am going Xtreme Sledding agaiN! Cept now we have a Kid's snowboard as well, and I have a SuperMan Terry Towling Hat coutesy of Doug and Zan (THANKS!) so I can try EXTRA hard to kill myself on the slopes ;) ROCK ON!!!

Ciao!